12/11/2021 Santa Cruz

Today is Saturday. It’s 50 degrees and the sun is shining here in Santa Cruz, CA. The photo above is of Pacific Street here in downtown Santa Cruz. This is the best place in town for busking and actually caters to it. I strolled along the sidewalks of this street and came upon many street artists last night. The biggest attraction was an older man also busking. Playing mostly popular songs, what stood out the most was his voice. He was an older gentleman in his 50‘s I would say. His voice reverberated throughout the whole blocked off city section. While his music taste was not all interestinto to me, he had a soul power in his singing that I admired. I took note of where he set up his gear in the hopes that today I will be able to use that spot. I’m hoping that in a couple hours that that spot will be free.

I slept last night on the campus of UC Santa Cruz. Far away from cars and any jarring sounds, I nestled in among an evergreen forest. While I did not sleep soundly, I felt safe to be where I was which was welcome. I fell asleep to the Netflix show “Outer Banks”, a teen drama which I’ve seen before. I enjoy the romance, the drama, and the cheesy acting. The show becomes nice background fodder for sleepful reverie.

Disclaimer: this post is rushed as I don’t have a lot of time before virtually meeting with my therapist. I digress though.

Writing in this way has become more like a journal entry than anything else….a glimpse into my own inner world. If people read it and relate, great! But if not, great too.

I’ve seen a lot come up on this trip. I’ve seen what’s possible for myself when I walk a path of faith. I haven’t had many moments of rapture or bliss but many moments of support externally and internally. I’ve witnessed the insanity of the human mind…it’s addictions, it’s fears, it’s confusion, it’s loneliness, it’s anger, it’s traumas, and it’s shame. I realize I may be beating a dead horse so just know I’m aware of it. Here’s a Segway:

Who am I?

the stories?

the thoughts?

the feelings?

I‘ll be speaking in the third person now but knowingly. Chris is a man of character. He has built himself into someone of great integrity and truth. Yes, he has had relationships that have fallen through, he has made mistakes, projected his pain and used external sources to find relief but he’s always been willing to look at himself and be responsible for what he’s brought to the table.

Today, the sun is’s supposed to rain for the next week after today so I’ll probably head home. But for now, there‘s one more chance to connect, to muster whatever is inside that needs out and put it on full display.

I have a pit in my stomach that I’m used to, an unresolved, confusion of sorts. But here goes nothing….come on bud you got this, I believe in you. You can do this. I love the man you are.

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